I used to take a lot of pride in the fact that I diligently plan and organize every area of my life. Household chores, work tasks, vacation itineraries, calories in and out, restaurants I want to visit–nothing went undocumented and nothing was left up to chance.
Planning is a handy skill to have if you’re using it to clear mental clutter and not let things slip between the cracks. But when you’re obsessed with the act of planning everything, it becomes a hindrance. It doesn’t allow you to be present in life, which was the original point of planning as to not forget things. When you’re trying so hard to control every minute detail, it really means that deep down inside, you feel helpless and have no sense of control over your life.
I’ve learned a lot about myself in the past week. I realized that I need to surrender. There’s no need to set up so many restrictions for oneself. When there are no rules, there is nothing to rebel against. What’s left is living life and enjoying being in it, whether the moment is pleasurable or not.
I’m letting go in all areas of life, including food. As much I thought I enjoyed the hunt and lists of recipe and food shopping, it became a quiet source of stress. Food is not supposed to be stressful. It’s pleasure and nourishment. From this day forward, you’ll see my new attitude reflected in the blog. I’ll cook what I feel will nourish me in the moment. I may or may not photograph it for the blog. I will trust myself at the market without a list of items and quantities. I will bookmark the occasional recipe if it calls to my present cravings, but if I don’t get around to making it, I’ll let it go. And forget.